Protecting Your Boundaries
by Eleph Myrrh
When we think of election day or a presidential candidate, we generally think of an authority figure. An authority figure is an influencer that inspires others to follow guidelines. When authority lacks inspiration, all that is left is control and dominance. When others feel controlled, they feel they have limited freedom. When freedom is limited, helplessness is experienced. When others are too assertive with their political stance, they feel helpless in their internal or external world. They will likely overstep your boundaries.
Your boundaries are there to protect your well-being. Boundaries are the key to healthy relationships.
An authority figure is an individual who has mastered the psychology of influence. When people are influenced, they are more likely to obey rules and regulations. However, we only like to follow rules and regulations if we feel it benefits us. We may speed to get to work on time. We have justified it in our minds that punctuality is more beneficial than a speeding ticket. We associate with what we identify with or what is important to us. We also identify with the authority figures that hold the same moral compass as we do.
When individuals are not secure with their moral compass, they will externalize it onto others. This is what we see when combative and heated arguments take place when we speak about political viewpoints. To protect your boundaries, it is helpful to acknowledge what your moral compass is.
A moral compass is an unwritten set of guidelines you make for yourself and these guidelines create a life of integrity. Living with integrity is living through your deepest values. Values are what is important to us and what actions we will take to keep these values in place. If you have a value of always being right, you will most likely assert your opinion onto others.
If we believe our moral compass is the absolute truth, we will dedicate ourselves to black-and-white or right-and-wrong thinking.
There is no universal agreement to what is right or wrong.
What is right or wrong is up to your individual values. We value what will be the most beneficial to us. What is beneficial to us we will label as correct or incorrect. When speaking with others that are expressing their political viewpoint, it is useful to listen to them through their moral standards or what they believe in.
If speaking out about politics is something you value, it is helpful to understand others will not have the same values as you do. If you decide to discuss a political candidate, consciously ask yourself if are you engaging in the discussion to learn more about a subject or to simply assert your opinion. When you consciously make a decision to exchange their political opinion with yours, it is useful to know your intention for doing so . If you knew it was a guarantee the other political viewpoint would never change, would do you still engage in a conversation? If your intention is to engage and gain knowledge about the other person, their values or new perspectives, you will be in a space of responsiveness. You can reply to others and their opinions without a reaction.
A response is making the choice to reply. To react is to give your personal power away by resorting to answer through an impulse. Impulse or compulsiveness is a reaction that results from fear and helplessness. When we are emotionally reactive, we are in a state of a fight-or-flight within our brain and body. This is a protection mechanism. However, you will be able to assert your opinions and boundaries more effectively when you maintain your inner power by WILLING responding versus HAVING to react.
When we willingly participating in a conversation, we volunteer to take part in it. When we willingly and freely participate in anything, we are more likely to respond to external factors rather than react. When we feel we are forced to participate in a conversation, we feel defensive and therefore are more likely to react. You can protect your boundaries by identifying your moral compass, listening to others through their moral standards, and responding rather than reacting to others and their opinions.
Eleph can be reached here: email@example.com
Coexisting with Opposums
by Eleph Myrrh
(the fifth installment by our talented, caring friend.)
(Eleph is an intuitive healer who works with individuals who seek relief, peace and happiness by accessing and integrating parts of themselves that limit living a peaceful and joyous life. She offers individualized healing sessions. She, like many of Nathan Hyatt’s friends, lives in the Central Florida area. Her contact info follows this article.)
The Opossums are a part of the marsupial family. They are known for their nomadic lifestyle as well as their ability to “play dead” when they feel threatened. They benefit our ecosystem by sweeping nature’s floor by consuming dead animals, ticks, cockroaches, spiders and snakes. However, their negative reputation derives from their naked tail, sharp teeth, “aggressive” behavior, tipping over trash cans and not adhering to an aesthetically “cute” appearance. Opossums are symbols of appearances.
Opossums have the ability to juggle facades. They act aggressively when they feel vulnerable. When in fear, they will involuntarily fall into a comatose state as a protection mechanism to ward off predators. Their first instinct is to avoid conflict rather than to fight for themselves. They are nurturing mothers. They can carry up to eleven babies in their maternal pouch or marsupium. This makes them a creature of many illusions. This is the beauty of an opossum.
Opossums represent facades. What an opossum presents to you, is how you make them feel. The same applies to human beings. How we make each other feel, is how we will respond. To understand each other’s core nature, we must be willing to look at all life with COMPASSION. Facades do not give us the ability to feel loved, yet we wear many masks.
To have compassion for all life, we must be willing to unveil ourselves. We must be willing to relate to all life. To give compassion for all life, we must also have compassion for ourselves. What allows an opossum to be viewed as less lovable than a puppy? We think if we are “good” we will be more lovable. The masks we wear are all representations of what we define as “good” or “safe.” If every creature was stripped away of what was viewed as lovable or good, we would all have similar values. We all want to belong.
Our masks that we wear are representations of what we have not let coexist within ourselves. Instead of allowing our deviousness to coexist with our lightness, we feel we have to be one or the other. We consistently battle what we feel is detestable, unlovable or unworthy and choose to show what we feel is, better, beautiful or more acceptable. Opossums do not harm our environment, yet they are deemed as a nuisance by simply being themselves. When we cannot coexist within ourselves, we cannot coexist with our environment.
Coexistence is what nourishes symbiotic relationships. The type of relationship we have with ourselves is how we coexist together. Coexistence does not refer to everything being the same. It means to make an environment healthy and thriving. Opossums help our environment prosper by eating dead carcasses that have the potential to spread disease if not disposed properly. This is an example of a symbiotic relationship. A symbiotic relationship is any species that lives happily together by taking care of each other by nourishing the needs of the other.
Symbiotic relationships also apply to our internal environment. Creating a welcoming space where all facades, masks, and all parts of ourselves are invited to live in harmony is how we can lovingly coexist. Coexistence does not leave room for “better”, “lovable”, or “good” because symbiosis is about CHERISHING and nurturing every environment. Our environment is the home we generate for ourselves. Without a warm and welcoming internal environment, we will destroy our external environment. We will leave no room for differences or contrast.
Eleph can be reached here: firstname.lastname@example.org
How Recognizing Hate Can
Pull Us Into Self-Love
by Eleph Myrrh
Imagine for a moment every thought, feeling, person, or experience was viewed as a droplet of water. If you were to put these experiences into individual beads of water, the number would be boundless. Visualize these experiences in dainty and tiny drops. I will also invite you to envision a large source of water such as an ocean or river. Notice what it would be like to look through the glimmering eyes of this source of water. I would like to remind you that you are the ocean. Everything inside the ocean is a part of you.
The ocean does not have the concept of hate, judgment or cruelty. All people, ships and animals are welcomed by Her because they are another form of water. She does not project shame or ridicule because She knows there is a world of treasure within Her that must be shared with all other forms of droplets. Hate and judgment are essentially not accepting and loving what is within ourselves so we set ourselves up to be the ‘higher‘ and project judgments on others that are perceived as ‘lower.’ Where there is hate and judgment within ourselves, it appears in people and places. Hate and judgment could be considered coping mechanisms.
A coping mechanism is binding ourselves to a subject or emotion that allows us not to see ourselves completely. Hate and Judgment are efforts to cope with Hurt. I have never met a person that hated a subject and was not hurt by the same subject. Hate is hardened Hurt. Hurt can leave us incapacitated with Pain. When this Pain believes it has no way of being relieved, it feels it has no option but to turn to Hatred and Judgment. This is used as a shield to ensure that they can never be harmed again. We believe what we loathe will somehow change what we detest within ourselves. We must lovingly be available to see what we hate and also see it in ourselves.
Identifying what we detest about ourselves does not make us bad or unlovable. We think if we ignore what we loathe about ourselves, it will go away. It may disappear, but only to the depth of our core. When we detest or show hatred to ourselves, it is a learned behavior. Those that hate themselves continuously hurt themselves. They have been taught by someone they loved the only way to be valued is to become a different ‘droplet’ or character. They were told to give up everything they loved and cherished about themselves and become a character in someone else’s game. They have been deceived into believing that who they are is not good enough. Find ways that these parts of yourself are perfect. View this drop of yourself the way the ocean would see it.
This practice will drive us into the direction of Self-Love. To love ourselves entirely, we must be willing to let go of only loving the ‘good’ parts of ourselves. We must be willing to love and see our Primal Character as well. Our Darkness is not to be shunned because it is our Depth. When we dive into the depth of our hatred, we will find that it is only in need of Light and Warmth. This hatred will show us that there is a part of us that is similar to what we hate. To completely abolish hate, we need to recognize it within ourselves.
If we hate cruelty, we must find how we are cruel to ourselves. If we hate poverty, we must find what we starve ourselves of. If we hate isolation, we must find what aspects we keep to ourselves that deserve others loving embrace. If we hate injustice, we must find what we suppress and disown within ourselves. When we give our hate belonging and a place within us, it will naturally diminish. Hurt and pain just want to be heard and seen. This is similar to when the ocean loves and accepts the droplets of water. The ocean does not try to convince the drops of water to be ice or vapor because She is aware that she too came from a drop of water.
Eleph can be reached here: email@example.com
Patience and its Reminder
by Eleph Myrrh
Where there is patience there is always a belief that says “I can feel good right now.” Patience can be considered maintaining composure and having the ability to wait without becoming distracted with irritability or anger. Patience is believing valuable experiences are paving a path to us even if they are not here now. When we “lose patience” it is because we have belief that what we are striving for is out of our reach. We become frustrated and angry. This leaves less room for the reminder that our desires are also lovingly striving towards us. Patience is connecting gratitude and appreciating what is already in our hands. What is appreciated will always grow. This growth will branch off into new flowers of opportunity as an extension to meet our desires.
I would like to invite you to think of a time when patience was being lost. What feelings and thoughts surfaced with this event? Perhaps you became impatient at a light that was not turning green as quickly as you would like. Patience is a practice. This practice is summed up by two beliefs.
The first belief is “I can feel good now.” The second belief is “What I would like is making its way towards me.” When we lose patience, it is because we do not trust in one of these beliefs. We feel when we acquire what we would like in the future, we will feel better. We believe right now is not good enough. Patience could be made a practice of thinking thoughts such as
“Right now is good enough” or
“I may not have what I wish for right now; however, I can feel content WHILE attaining my desires.”
When we feel blessed and abundant in the process of gaining our wishes, we will be happy while we continue to pursue what we want. Whether we are aware of it or not, everything we do is to produce a Positive emotion. For example, when we go to the dentist, we do so to maintain our dental hygiene and limit pain in the future. The positive emotion behind the dental visit may be Health. Health makes us feel vibrant. Health makes us feel vibrant because it promotes vitality. Vitality is a gift so we can experience beneficial experiences more often.
Now, what positive emotion are we able to produce when in a situation where our patience is being tested? An example could include accepting a job that is unfamiliar. Perhaps this job is a position you have chosen but know little to nothing about. You find yourself becoming frustrated and impatient with yourself when you feel you cannot learn the material as quickly as you would like. When your patience is being tested, what positive emotion can you put in place of your dwindling patience?
Examples may include:
“I am gaining more Wisdom with this new job so I can gain wonderful experiences and add them to my next opportunity.”
This job may not be your ideal position. However, you can apply what is important to you (such as wisdom or knowledge) in this opportunity to make it feel more valuable and even priceless. This leaves room for more expansion and the ability to grow in knowledge and wisdom rather than giving in to the temptation to force solutions.
“This job allows me to practice Kindness with myself as well as with others. When I am kind to others, kindness always finds me.”
Kindness and compassion are similar to planting a seed. Allow the ground to soften around the seed and everything will flourish. Kindness and compassion will flourish into gratitude and appreciation.
Where there is appreciation, there is room for abundance. It is helpful to apply these traits in the present moment to provide positive meaning and value to your current position. This also helps encourage us to be present with gratitude even when we feel our patience is dwindling. Gratitude is the gatekeeper to more abundant and joyous opportunity. Gratitude lovingly gives us our kindness and compassion. Compassion and kindness are not only more prevalent in ourselves, but they also overflow to others. Gratitude and kindness have the ability to create softness and gentleness within us. This naturally invites more opportunities for other subjects we desire to pave a path towards us.
When we feel appreciative, we feel more content in the moment. The moments that we have are good enough. When we feel they are good enough we tend to look at the many blessings instead of the many absences of the things we might wish to have now. Impatience can be a loving reminder that you were able to feel better now by giving a positive meaning to every experience in your life. A positive life creates the opportunity for more love and abundance.
How to Find Peace
by Eleph Myrrh
“I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I will be good” is always a response to guilt. Guilt will make a simple mistake turn into a lifelong sentence. It leaves no room for mercy or forgiveness. It slowly molds itself into shame. Shame ultimately says “You are not worthy or valuable. You will need to make up for your existence.”
To have peace, shame and guilt cannot be the center of your world.
Peace does not come with TRYING. It is a practice. Peace says “Stop trying. Stop doing. Stop forcing and start embracing.” Shame will make you believe that you must be perfect and praiseworthy to be lovable. Peace says that you will be praiseworthy and valuable when you lovingly embrace your perceived “ugliness”, “dirtiness” and “brokenness.” Peace is to accept these pieces and FIND value in these parts to make an entire mosaic. How can we create an internal mosaic with separated pieces that can coexist?
To separate is to divide or split apart. Any form of split within the human mind or psyche is done because our environment, upbringing and or circumstance(s) did not allow us to love and cherish ourselves entirely. This is because our environment, upbringing, parental guardian and/or care takers did not allow self-love to be present in themselves. We tried to “make up” for our existence by molding, sculpting, cutting, breaking or scrubbing away what we deemed as “unacceptable.” The only way that we are able to do this is to walk away from ourselves. The pieces that we have walked away from are our shame, fear and guilt.
Peace is created when we embrace the pieces of ourselves that are loving, nurturing and safe. Pair these pieces to love our shame, guilt and fear. For example, a creative child was brought up in a culture that only embraced science, discipline, logic and mathematics. The child was taught to devour and consume daily activities, “aspirations” and career goals that were “right”, “exact” or “absolute.” Because the child’s innate abilities do not revolve around what is “right” or “correct” the child may struggle to understand why he or she feels misunderstood or invalidated. The child must make a choice.
The child can walk away from their innate gifts and what brings them happiness or comply with their culture’s standards. Inner peace is created when we do not have to TRADE anything within ourselves to be molded, valued and loved. It is to be accepted that you may feel ugly, incomplete or broken. Leave space for these feelings. They are alive and valid. It is also helpful to leave a space that contains their polarity. These subjects can include beauty, fulfillment and unity. Allow these parts to mesh together and find value in each piece. Where there is value, there is a positive meaning about ourselves.
You can find an internal value in your individual pieces by inviting each part to teach the other positive traits. For example, your brokenness may invite your completeness to learn the value of vulnerability. Does being fragile add value to your life? Your completeness may invite your brokenness to learn the value of independence. Does independence add value to your life? This will invite us to look at ourselves in a positive manner, no matter how we see ourselves.
#healing #sorrow #spirituality #completeness #upliftingmessages
by Eleph Myrrh
The importance of connection is a requirement for physical, emotional and psychological well-being. Connection greatly improves the immune system and feelings of self-worth. Individuals that feel connected with others are less likely to fall into depression or addiction.
Due to a global lockdown, many people are feeling completely isolated and disconnected simply because they are missing a key ingredient for their well-being. Connection is the most crucial need for every human being. Disconnection is a form of starvation.
I would like to invite you to think of a time when you felt completely isolated and disconnected from others. If platonic connection or physical touch was not needed, I would like you to question why you participate in daily activities such as eating, drinking, bathing, participating in a hobby or commuting to a job. When we feel a sense of connection with others, we are more inclined to eat enjoyable foods, play guitar or feel excited to go to work. When physical connection is lost, we limit eating, limit sleeping, and lose motivation to participate in our favorite hobby. It could be quite possible that every activity, thought or feeling is to feel accepted and loved by others.
It is very helpful during this time to find similarities in your surroundings. Similarities allow us to feel more connected because there is a sense of understanding. Understanding allows us to feel less alone. It feels as if there is a lessened gap between us and the rest of the world. Where there is disconnection, there is too much space between ourselves and what we would like to connect to. It is helpful to invite subjects that we would like to connect to or understand to come into our space. Examples may include a connection with animals, connection and better understanding of ourselves, or a connection and understanding of nature.
If you notice, there is not one subject in existence which enjoys space or a void. This is why those that struggle with loneliness feel as if they are gasping for air out of the ache of too much space. We try to fill it with alcohol, sex, cigarettes, food or work. Yet, this is not what we desire. We ache from the space yet feel we have the limited ability to connect with others. We put forth too much time coping with the space, and not enough importance in meeting the emotional need of this space.
If we were to visit this space within us, what would we find? Instead of trying to fill it with subjects which it rejects, why are we hesitant to be completely present with it? If this space had a voice, What would it have to say? What would it sound like? Would we be resistant to what its needs are? Are we willing to be completely present with it and sink into its depths until we are consumed with its presence?
It could be quite possible that we are just as much in need of ourselves as we are with others. It is possible that we could take this time to enhance our connection with ourselves so we can better connect with others in the future. To better understand others, we must be willing to understand and connect with ourselves. Connection is the ingredient for our well-being. It is the most crucial need for every human being. Connection is a form of being emotionally fed.
#connection #healing #isolation #meetingneeds #lockdown
Eleph can be reached here: firstname.lastname@example.org
Facebook: Eleph Myrrh
About Anger in this Difficult Time
by Nathan Hyatt
I, like many of my friends and associates have been an armchair psychologist and an overanalyst through the years. I spent a lot of time in recovery doing the self-searching and praying that I hoped would result in my no longer acting out in anger.
I learned a LOT. I learned to stop self-injuring. I learned to experience my feelings. I learned that it was okay to experience feelings of anger and even temporary feelings of rage and hate. But they needed to be temporary.
I learned that I could not pretend the anger was not there.
I am no psychologist and I still think that I may or may not become one. I woke up this morning with extreme feelings of depression related to the worldwide pandemic we are all dealing with here in April of 2020. I had feelings of helplessness and sadness because people are dying in mass numbers that we all hope will subside soon. I felt empathy for thousands upon thousands of families coming to food banks knowing they may be turned away. I have been there. I have lived in a glorified box. A travel trailer with no working toilet and no electric except for a 50 amp plug coming through the window. I have showered with a garden hose. I have had no food to eat. And no job.
I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I had been on better medication. I wish I had been in my right mind. Because of the way we have evolved, or maybe the way God made us (depending on what we each personally believe) we are designed to try to survive. Many of us would love to simply live the “Good Life” whatever that means. Some of us find peace and tranquility in a monastery. Nothing wrong with that if it is right for you.
We have needs and we wish to meet them.
Anger crops up when we encounter the obstacles that tell us that the Universe, or God or society or the “system” or the “Game” is somehow rigged to cause us to fail and suffer and die and then mock us while we are in pain, succumbing to the inevitable loss that leads to the afterlife.
“God, in heaven! Why did this have to happen!?”
We are scared to death to die.
Seeing it all around us is sobering.
But a spiritual life, based on building character and having standards and virtue gives us peace, even in times of trouble. People have been trying to teach me that my entire life. I am finally listening.
My empathy for my fellow man, whose suffering I wish to ease, whose wounds I wish to heal, whose hungry children I wish to feed, motivates me to seek spiritual solutions. Because even though my belief in God and the innate sensibility of the Universe do not to untrained eyes seem to solve the problems we now face, they do give me strength to stop and pause and meditate. To find the way. To get in touch and get centered and sit and write instead of acting out in anger and doing anything I may regret. Something as bad as injuring myself too badly to work. Or worse.
There is much suffering now. Suffering causes us grief and yes, anger. We feel helpless and hopeless. But kindness is the greatest solution. Kindness gives us automatic credibility with God. Credibility with God is the vessel through which Faith takes Action.
Kindness heals. Understanding removes the obstacles in our way.
I was moved to write this because I had a fight with a loved one. I truly do not wish to take my anger out on another person. I am not some guru dispensing Great Wisdom or something no one else ever thought of. I am angry. I am bitter. Because it seems like my patience is never enough. Because my solutions are never adequate. Because I feel like someone else chooses unhappiness. Maybe they do not choose it. Maybe there is nothing else they can do or feel right now.
I am sorry. Our situation will get better. It came to pass. It did not come to stay. I cannot have everything my own way. But I can find my center. I can take responsibility for my feelings. I can feel the way I feel and be kind enough to let someone else feel what they feel and not attack them or hurt them more while they are vulnerable.
I can let someone else do a running commentary about the way things are. Even when I do not agree. It is not all about me. We are a family. We need each other. I can say, “I love you.” I can hear it when it is said to me in earnest. I believe it.
We can get through this.
We can be strong enough.
We are not just at war with what is going on in the world. We are at war with ourselves.
I love you. No matter who you are, I love you. And I am praying for you.
#bestrong #inthistogether #survival #HaveFaith
email Nathan here” NateZenHyatt@gmail.com
Facebook: Nathan Hyatt